A Week In The Life of Me….

Mental-Exhaustion

The last week my anxiety has been exceptionally high and I don’t know why.  just know that I have been getting very little sleep because of it. I’m walking around in a haze feeling like I’m only half there most days, which feels odd because my vision feels like it’s only half seeing. It’s like peeking part way over a wall trying not to be seen and you can’t quite take in the whole picture. I haven’t been to this place in a while so I’m quite sure why I’m here now. The only thing I can think of is something subconscious is going on that I’m not aware of yet. I’ve been exhausted all week, yet  can’t sleep and when I do it’s not a deep sleep.

I’m handling whatever it is ok though, although it’s not a place I like to be at all.  It’s just part of the ebb and flow of PTSD that I have come to accept. There are good days and not so good days and sometimes there are good weeks and not so good weeks.  I guess it gets exhausting having to cope 24/7 and stay ahead of this thing, which some weeks, like this week, becomes impossible.  On days and weeks like this, I just try to be extra gentle and understanding of myself, which is great because there was a time when I would have spent the whole week beating up and berating myself instead. That’s progress and healing I guess and I like that whole lot better.

Other signs that I know that I am healing include:

Less flashbacks and an ability to handle them when they arise

Less triggers and some triggers are healed and an ability to handle them when they arise

An ability to relax

An ability to know my nightmares are not real and to not take on and carry the emotion of them

Healthy boundaries

Staying present more

I’m sure there is more, I just can’t think of them right now.

Anyway that’s been my week and a week in the life of a PTSD’r.

4 thoughts on “A Week In The Life of Me….”

  1. I Sing the Body Electric says:
    Reply

    I’m so glad you’re not beating yourself up darlin. I’m really sorry you’re having a pants week 😖 but as you say, something is being worked out in you, so trust the process and accept the discomfort as a temporary but (pants) part of your healing process. Reminding yourself of all the progress you’ve made is brilliant. Keep your attention on that rather than the pants-ness (PS. ‘Pants’ is English word for rubbish, I was using it to avoid swearing on your blog, it does not mean trousers 😆) Big PTSD survivor hugs, squeeze!!! 💜💙💜

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    • shelleyb552 says:
      Reply

      Awwwwwwwww thanks BDE and you can swear on my blog anytime you like…lol…Yes its always good to see progress on a day that seems more like a setback but isn’t…hugs back sweetness… ❤

      P.S. you word for rubbish sounds cuter…lol

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      • I Sing the Body Electric says:
        Reply

        Haha in that case “fucking pants!” lol 😆 sorry, couldn’t resist 😆😜 I’m feeling ‘pants’ myself this morning 😫 avoiding getting out of bed, it’s one of those days…but I will shake myself up and try and come up with a genius blog post 😊💛💙💛 hugs xxxxx

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