Some how I developed into being a perfectionist. Was the fact that I never seemed to be good enough in my parents eyes? Maybe, but the amount of pressure a perfectionist places on his/her self is immense and exhausting.
I have since fought back against my perfectionism by going the opposite way and letting my house be messy, making mistakes and being ok with it. There was a time when it would cause me anxiety to have a messy house or dishes in the sink or to make mistakes. I’m finding that with this exercise, although a lot of criticism by other people who think I am now a slob, my anxiety has subsided. There are always methods I use to help myself that others don’t understand and that’s ok because they don’t have to. It’s all about exposure and healing, going through this exercise has allowed me to stop beating myself up and putting pressure on myself to be perfect. I really am ok with not being perfect or with not being a perfectionist.
I am human and I have flaws that I am also perfectly ok with, and I love and accept myself for who I am. I don’t need validation from others and I don’t need permission to be me. I do what I do in order to help me and I don’t need to explain to others what I am doing or why either. You’re perfectly ok to think I am a slob because I don’t have a floor you can eat off, but just remember there is always a method to my madness whether you understand it or not.
From perfect to human in just 45 million steps. Ahhhhhh progress.
PTSD - The Long Journey Home 