The last week my anxiety has been exceptionally high and I don’t know why. just know that I have been getting very little sleep because of it. I’m walking around in a haze feeling like I’m only half there most days, which feels odd because my vision feels like it’s only half seeing. It’s like peeking part way over a wall trying not to be seen and you can’t quite take in the whole picture. I haven’t been to this place in a while so I’m quite sure why I’m here now. The only thing I can think of is something subconscious is going on that I’m not aware of yet. I’ve been exhausted all week, yet can’t sleep and when I do it’s not a deep sleep.
I’m handling whatever it is ok though, although it’s not a place I like to be at all. It’s just part of the ebb and flow of PTSD that I have come to accept. There are good days and not so good days and sometimes there are good weeks and not so good weeks. I guess it gets exhausting having to cope 24/7 and stay ahead of this thing, which some weeks, like this week, becomes impossible. On days and weeks like this, I just try to be extra gentle and understanding of myself, which is great because there was a time when I would have spent the whole week beating up and berating myself instead. That’s progress and healing I guess and I like that whole lot better.
Other signs that I know that I am healing include:
Less flashbacks and an ability to handle them when they arise
Less triggers and some triggers are healed and an ability to handle them when they arise
An ability to relax
An ability to know my nightmares are not real and to not take on and carry the emotion of them
Staying present more
I’m sure there is more, I just can’t think of them right now.
Anyway that’s been my week and a week in the life of a PTSD’r.